Little Megan

I remember when I was a little girl, I went through this phase where I raided my mom's closet and wore her button-up shirts with leggings and chunky jewelry. My dad and brothers teased me, but I felt strangely comfortable with my choices. I remember this feeling, but it has been so long that it's hard to even put my finger on it now. Was it pride? Was it confidence? Was it independence? Maybe it was just ignorant bliss. Though I wouldn't repeat most of my childhood fashion offenses again, it's hard not to envy that feeling my younger self was so much more familiar with.

After I gained weight as a teenager and continued to gain weight throughout my adult life, I no longer looked at clothing as a form of expression, but a form of disguise. Trying to be fashionable felt like putting a diamond bracelet on a baked potato so I did myself (and the world) a favor and barely even tried. I feel sad about that now. Not because I would do it better if I could go back in time- because I don't know if I could, but because I lost a piece of myself during those years of sitting in the back row. I've been trying to get in touch with that dear lost friend so I can appologize for neglecting her and put her to work again. It's so much harder than it seems! At 32, I'm starting from scratch. I have no idea what my style is...what is me. I'm still adjusting to just having "normal" clothing fit me. Maybe it's not important that I figure this out, but it feels important and something inside of me says it is...for some reason. I need to know.

I've always liked Ruche, but never allowed myself to purchase anything from them before. I felt guilty placing my order and even a little foolish. As it turns out, most of what I ordered will be returned. However, one piece of clothing felt right to me. It's called the Swing By My Side lace dress. I paired it with a Gap (thrifted) t-shirt, skinny jeans from the clearance rack at Target, flats from TJ Maxx, and a hat I wear alarmingly often. Does it work? I have no idea. Does it look good on me? Probably not. (Do I care? Not really.) Did it give me that feeling I remember feeling when I was younger and more sure of myself? You know what? It did. And that was really nice.